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Welcome everyone to my newsletter that will be sent out once a month. My vision is that it will be short, to save you precious time, have a thought to ponder and an action you can take to improve your life in some way.
I am starting this newsletter for of a couple of reasons. One, there are many people who are uncertain about what coaching is. Also, when people hire a coach it's a very personal relationship. So, my hope is that in reading my thoughts you will have the opportunity to get to know me better and thereby decide if you think you would like me to serve you as your coach. There is also a possibility that you know someone else who would enjoy whatever it is that I've written about in a particular issue. In that case, you may forward this newsletter as long as it is in its entirety, contact information included. To subscribe and un-subscribe please see the information that can be found at the end of this newsletter.
Click here to subscribe to and have it delivered to your mail box once a month.
Click here to unsubscribe to
Welcome everyone to my newsletter that will be sent out once a month. My vision is that it will be short, to save you precious time, have a thought to ponder and an action you can take to improve your life in some way.
I am starting this newsletter for of a couple of reasons. One, there are many people who are uncertain about what coaching is. Also, when people hire a coach it's a very personal relationship. So, my hope is that in reading my thoughts you will have the opportunity to get to know me better and thereby decide if you would like for me to serve you as your coach. There is also a possibility that you know someone else who would enjoy whatever it is that I've written about in a particular issue. In that case, you may forward this newsletter as long as it is in its entirety, contact information included. To subscribe and un-subscribe please see the information that can be found at the end of this newsletter.
Think for a moment about all of the signals people send. As much as some try we cannot compartmentalize our lives. We are all affected by our spirituality, our intellect, our emotions, and our physical ability, and each area of our lives affects the other.
Our bodies send signals of all kinds to those around us, and even to our own soul. Did you know that the word psychology is named after the Greek word psyche, which is literally the study of the soul? Who we are cannot be separated from our bodies.
Recently one of my clients was speaking at length about eye contact and it's importance, another signal. How we carry ourselves as we walk fast or slow, straight or hunched over is a signal that can tell others at least a couple of things about who we are.
Reacting to others, living in fear, being angry or self- defeating can send signals of a disorderly notion.
If we are willing to be intimate, friendly, show mutual respect and have a loving rapport with others tells a story about us through signals.
Our tone of voice sends a signal.
The point is, whether we recognize it or not everything we do or in some cases don't do sends a signal to others around us.
That is why I chose "Signals" as my company name because of the significance of signals we send others as well as the signals we send ourselves. After all, everything we do is filtered through our belief systems.
Action ~ Observe yourself and those around you. What kind of signals do you see or feel. Is there something about yourself that you would like to change? Write down your goal, read it everyday until it becomes a habit.
Right now I'm "doing what's in front of me" so to speak. However, when I decided to do an e-letter, I knew I wanted it to be consistent so that I would be sending a professional "signal" to all of you. That took some planning. We most definitel y have to know what we want out of life in order to get it. That takes some thought and some more planning. Do you want to travel to Australia? Do you want to be a Doctor? The part of planning that involves the big picture is called the Vision. Successful people use their visions to help determine who the best team members will be. When the going gets tough they use it to hang on to, to enable them to let go of the small distractions that can seem huge without a vision.
Let's say you are going to have a growth period in your business. You are ready to hire another employee. You will need to have enough money set aside for your expenses plus the salary or compensation of that person until they are trained and are able to generate more income for your business. By taking the time to plan you can now execute your vision without going through the added anxiety of not having enough money for day-to-day operations. You are then able to carry on in a relaxed pace.
Are you aware that every hour spent in effective planning saves three to four in execution? Effective planning enables us to sort out those things that can be delegated to others.
Planning is a time for prioritizing too. I could be "busy" with many other things besides writing this e-letter. My desk needs straightening. However, there will be time for that after I've finished with my priority.
Action ~ Create a Vision, a mission statement & a plan for the coming year.
What is the most important relationship in your life - your mate, a friend, a family member? Are your interactions a source of joy and empowerment? Or too often do you find yourself feeling disrespected, misunderstood and drained of energy? In this newsletter, you'll find out one of the key relationships in your life that affects all of the others. You will learn that the quality of that relationship also has a huge impact on all of the others. By answering a few key questions, you'll see what steps you can take now to transform the way you relate to everyone in your life - to create relationships based on mutual respect and honesty.
What you discover may surprise you. Read on.....
Relationship according to Webster's Dictionary is: "The mutual exchange between two people or groups who have dealings with one another." Relation without the "ship" can mean, "the way in which one thing is associated with another."
Here is my question. How do you relate to yourself? How do you relate to your physical self, mental self, emotional self, and spiritual self?
One of the most important aspects of success is a good relationship with one's self. After all if we are not vital, full of energy, and clear then we are not living to our full potential.
I have a statement in my journal that says, "I am happy that I am flexible, my heart is strong and I drink plenty of water. I look great my eyes are clear, and I eat 5 fruits and vegetables a day for proper nutrition."
This is my ideal relationship with myself regarding my physical self. Likewise, I can examine what my ideal relationship is with my intellectual self. Am I on a true path of continuous improvement? Do I get lost in the television, or do I stimulate my mind with books, classes and conversations?
The ways in which we treat ourselves is what precedes setting and honoring healthy boundaries with other people. And typically if we are able to lie to ourselves then we are less able to acknowledge when other people are out of integrity.
Ultimately we are all here to serve and choose. Yet, until we are able to love ourselves correctly, we are unable to love others as well. Below I am going to ask several questions. If you feel brave enough to answer them and be honest with you then press on, this is not for sissies. When you tell yourself you are going to do something, do you do it? Who do you remind yourself of? Would you like to be an employee of yourself?
Can you give up something that is damaging to your health? What is presently consuming your time that you wish you could eliminate? What are the sources of energy that don't really serve you well or are actually unhealthy? Who's in charge of your life, you or other people?
Ok, that's enough to spark some introspection.
Action ~observe yourself and those around you. What kind of signals do you see or feel. Is there something about yourself that you would like to change? Write down your goal, read it everyday until it becomes a habit.
Are you interested in finding your authentic voice? Would you like to be more confident? Does the sound of personal freedom tickle your fancy? Would you like to learn more about yourself in a very compassionate way? Do you suspect there may be treasures hidden inside you that so far you've been unable to identify and put to use? Are you looking for a way to systematically make positive changes in your life? Is there a book or an invention inside you just crying to be made manifest? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, read on.
Who are your heroes? Who are the people you've read or heard about whose stories stay with you, inspire you? Have you wondered how they were able to achieve greatness? For me, Abraham Lincoln, Benjamin Franklin and the explorers, Lewis and Clark, strike a chord. And I am struck by the fact that all of them kept a journal.
The question is, "Did these men start journaling after they became famous, or did they become famous after they started journaling?" I don't know for sure, but because of my own experience, I believe that journaling helped to guide their journeys - both outer and inner.
When I first began my quest to discover who I am, I found journaling quite painful. I was angry. By giving myself permission to write about my feelings, I opened the floodgates. Repressed and pent-up emotions spilled out onto the page. These outpourings gradually transformed over time. As I grew in understanding of myself, I was prompted to change some of my bad habits.
I saw that I had been listening to my "stinking thinking", which resulted in poor choices and an unbalanced life. In truth, I was only able to see this clearly when it was right in front of me in black and white. Because journaling has been such a rewarding tool for me, I strongly recommend it to my clients.
I am not alone in my respect for the journaling process. The author, Sara Ban Breathnach, asks her readers to keep a gratitude journal. She says, "Write ten things every day that you are grateful for." In a fabulous book called, "Writing the Mind Alive", authors Linda Trichter Metcalf, PH.D. and Tobin Simon, PH. D. encourage their readers to sit at a table with no distractions, play Baroque music, light a candle and write on unlined paper for twenty-five minutes whatever comes to mind. Weight Watchers also asks participants to journal.
Is it just a coincidence that these successful agents of change all use a journal? Is there a pattern?
Action ~Make time to write what is on your mind, do not judge it, keep writing every day for a specified amount of time for at least 3 months, that is 12 weeks. You may be surprised by what you learn about yourself!
Do you have a plan to get from where you are to where you want to be? Do you have all the skills you need to get that promotion or that raise you want? Do you make time for the people who are important to you? Are you excited about your future, or do you just want to "stop the world so you can get off"?
The secret to having the life you desire is hidden in your daily routine. As the saying goes, "if you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always gotten". In issue #2, I discussed the importance of planning as a factor in achieving your goals. As part of your planning, I suggested incorporating the "ten habits" in your schedule. In this issue I am going to focus on the ten habits and how they can help you realize your dreams. To find out more, please read on...
At heart we are all creatures of habit. To change our lives, we must change our routines. As many psychological studies and best-selling self-help books have shown us, successful people have different habits than unsuccessful people. For us to live our lives to the fullest, we must adopt those thoughts and actions that serve us and let go of those that don't.
How can we do that? My own experience has taught me that the practice of the ten daily habits can be a strong foundation for growth and a powerful catalyst for change. The idea is simple; identify new habits that will enhance some area of your life - health, career, relationships, spirituality, etc. - and select ten of them to incorporate in your daily schedule. People often say, "I can't add one more thing to my day; I'm too busy already." I would ask, "Does that busyness bring you the results you want?" Perhaps the changes you need to make are more about "how" than "what" you do. Or, maybe you are holding on to an activity that is no longer in line with your goals or values. No one said change is easy, but remember "if you keep doing what you've always done..."
Let us say, for example, you would like to have more energy in the afternoon. Perhaps changing your diet and exercising would be the answer. A little meditation or prayer time might also be beneficial.
Developing the skills you need to get a promotion at work might entail taking a class or studying on your own. I suggested one of my clients read his materials into an tape recorder so he could listen to them while going from job to job.
Staying in touch with your friends may involve a phone call, a round of golf or a lunch date. How are you going to fit it in? Schedule it to make it a habit. (It is interesting that bad habits are so easy to pick, up isn't it?)
My ten habits include eating five fruits and vegetables a day, exercising, reading the Bible, returning phone calls, drinking plenty of water, journaling, and doing a load of laundry every day so it does not pile up.
I do not accomplish all ten habits every day. However, the ones I miss I make sure to begin with the following day. With this practice, I'm building good habits that take me in the direction I want to go in my life. Once any of these habits truly does become a habit, I can drop it off my list of ten and add another activity or behavior that I would like to incorporate into my lifestyle.
Action ~ make a list of ten habits you would like to have in your own life. Put them on your schedule every day as a reminder. Make them into a screen saver if you want too. (I can be hilarious, can't I?)
If you can relate to Jimmy Buffet's song "Fruit Cakes", in which he sings we're all half baked this article could be for you! Does your body tense up a little when you think of the holidays? Is it difficult for you to believe that you came out of the family you were raised in?
All my life, my father and I had a very difficult and distant relationship. As an adult, we became estranged. When I was seventeen years old my mom married my stepfather; he became an important male figure in my life and the man of the family that I spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with. In the meantime, the divide between my biological father and I grew ever wider. The silent agreement between us was so deep that we didn't talk on the phone or even exchange birthday, Father's Day or holiday cards. There were times that as many as five years would go by without us speaking to one another. I had a lot of disdain for some of my dad's values and life perspectives and that made simple conversation very difficult. During the infrequent times when we would talk, he would begin to share his opinions and philosophies with me I would eminently disagree and that would be the extent of it until we would forget how painful the last phone call was.
Then, last May, (for reasons I do not understand) I began to get persistent feelings that I needed to call him. The feeling would not go away. I called my dad's brother to see if I might find out what was up. As I dialed I thought, "He is the sane one." When my uncle answered, he told me, "your father is in the hospital. He's been in there several times and now he has pneumonia."
Well I thought, “if there was ever a time to honor my father it's now.” I did not want to show up at his funeral like a hypocrite so I talked it over with my husband and decided to go see him before he died in order to make peace. I thought it would be good for both of us. I had not been to the town he lived in for twenty years. I rented a car, made arrangements to stay with an aunt on my mother's side of the family and booked a flight.
There is something so disarming about a person on their deathbed. Both of us must have known that! Together we told stories, ate chocolate, hugged one another and generally just had a terrific time. And we both laughed. I actually remembered some of the good times of my childhood. While I was there, I also had very memorable times with my uncle, my dad's brother. He's in his 80's now, and fun, loving, considerate, a great conversationalist and a hoot.
The aunt who I stayed with (my mom's sister) and I caught up on stories untold as well. I got to encounter her as an adult and the experience made us even closer, but that's a story for another time.
A month later, after many phone calls with doctors and nurses long distance I made the arrangements for my father to be buried in a veteran's cemetery. Initially I didn't think I would make the return trip for the funeral, but I did. I'm so grateful that I did. So many wonderful things happened because I made that choice. One of which is that I reconnected with a cousin who I had not seen for twenty-five years. Since then she's visited me here in Las Vegas and we've spoken to one another every week on the telephone. We are so close now that we will never allow the time or space to separate us again.
So, why am I bringing up this story now??? Because it's the holidays, and all of us are "half baked" as Jimmy puts it! While we don't have to hang around anyone who is unwilling to honor our dignity and treat us with respect, forgiveness is essential for self-growth.
Action ~Remember to agree to disagree during the holidays. Be yourself, accept your past.
What is your level of engagement? I'm talking about your level of involvement in your own life. If you check in with your spiritual, mental, emotional and physical selves, what do they tell you about how engaged you are in LIFE? If you had to put a score on yourself between 0 and 100, how would you fare?
Are you frightened of resolutions? Try engaging yourself. If you think you'd like to focus on a resolution for the New Year, the following is a great place to start:
Visit http://lge.perfprog.com and take the test, (max. 5 min.). When I took it, the results said I was 80% engaged in life. The conclusion was that if I strengthened my physical side, my overall life would improve. I often view these kinds of tests with a grain of salt, but this time it seems as though the results were really on to something. I was looking through my "life" box of goodies filled with mementos and treasures from my life and came upon some old report cards from my school days. And what do you think they showed? Sure enough, my lowest grades were in physical education! I had forgotten that my average score in Physical Education was indeed a C. It was true, the test was correct; my lowest level of engagement in life was and still is physical!
So, I made up my mind that I was going to become fully engaged. Doesn't that sound FUN????? Since then, I've taken up hiking and I am having so much fun!!!!! Downhill skiing is something else I enjoy, but I've found hiking to be an excellent alternative because it's inexpensive and accessible nearly year-round.
Let me back track for a moment. My husband hates hiking. He refuses to even walk around the park with me. I was afraid to go alone, afraid of being mugged, and since he wouldn't go with me, I initially allowed that to be a stumbling block. But then I began asking my women friends if any of them liked to hike. Some of them did but we just couldn't seem to coordinate our schedules. But I didn't give up. I finally struck up a friendship with a woman who walks at the park around the same time that I do. After a time, we decided to hike outside of the park. Since then we've gone on several hikes together including this beautiful place called Red Rock Canyon right here in Clark County, Nevada that I never would have experienced if not for my willingness to engage in something different.
Then another facet of this wonderful new period in my life began to unfold when my church started a hiking club. So now I've been on two very fun hikes with them. These hikes have typically been anywhere from 4 to 7 miles in length, not really steep and so beautiful.
What has happened to my physical body because of this is very encouraging. My shape overall is better and my heart feels stronger. But what has happened to my mental and emotional body is even more impressive. I am more joyful? I feel like I did when I was a child playing all day long. Being out in the fresh air doing something physical, fun and adventurous is most definitely giving me a new sense of vitality. Not to mention a great night's sleep?
While I'm not going to share my exact scores on the rest of the test I will say that my highest score was spiritual, followed by emotional, mental and physical in that order. I agree with the experts who say we are encouraged to change what we measure. Had I never taken this test I would not have identified this weak area in my life, nor realized that focusing and engaging with it could make my life richer. Laughter and
Action ~take the test, look at your color score. Make an intention to engage more fully in life for the New Year. Be persistent, knowing that in the beginning there will be stumbling blocks, pardon the pun!
Do you get overwhelmed? Are you running on the cheap fuel of adrenaline? Do you get depressed because you make promises to yourself and others that you cannot keep because you run out of time? If so, and you would like to change your sense of defeat into a sense of control this coming year, read on.
There is a program taught in most coaching circles called "The Personal Foundation Program". This program helps us reconstruct the underpinning of our lives by strengthening ourselves in a variety of ways and learning how to accomplish more with less effort. One of the first things the program recommends is choosing a personal theme for each year. I've been doing this every year since I entered the coaching community. My theme for this year is "Prioritize in 2005" and here's why: I have a tendency to procrastinate whenever I am feeling overwhelmed by a task. I tell myself that I will tackle it some other time when I am feeling more courageous. The irony of this of course is that the act of procrastinating increases my sense of being overwhelmed and further erodes my courage to roll up my sleeves and just go for it. As I began looking for ways to mitigate this reflexive habit, I found that if I took the time to plan my day and prioritize my actions, I ended up being much more successful and productive. You see, most of us are (as one of my coach friends describes himself) "easily distracted by shiny objects!" It's very easy to get sidetracked from our goals. Choosing a theme helps up cut down on distraction time. It's a way to keep the end in mind as described so clearly by Stephen Covey in his bestseller "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People".
The same person who I said is "easily distracted by shiny objects" chose, "Market More in 2004" for his theme last year. Since then, his business has grown so much that he's decided it's time to raise his prices!
One of my clients chose the phrase, "Fully Alive in 2005!" I like that one, too. She wants a reminder to stay engaged in LIFE!
Themes are a tool to help us FOCUS. It's a friendly nudge that keeps us on the track of positive change.
Whatever you choose, your theme is like a beacon when it comes to helping you achieve your ultimate objective(s). It summarizes that something you want to move toward in your life. Your theme can help get you out of your comfort zone and into the territory you want to go. Having a theme can also help in the decision making process because saying "no" to the things that don't fit into your theme for the year becomes easier. There are so many things that can derail us from the things we want for ourselves, but having a theme can help keep us on course.
When we figure out what our goal for the year is, selecting an appropriate theme is just a step away. When we have our own purpose, we are less likely to get caught up in other people's chaos or engage in "rescuing" behavior. Rescuing others from what amounts to their lack of planning is a path that can lead to resentment. And don't you have better things to do?
Action ~Take the time to reflect upon what “one thing” could change your life significantly for the better over the coming year. Now, create a catchy phrase that is easily recalled when you feel out of your path in life. Post your theme somewhere that you will see it everyday or possibly many times a day. Smile and feel the peace of living in integrity.
Remember, you may share these ~Signals with your friends and you may reprint any e-Signal in your newsletters and message boards providing you include full authorship, copyright, and subscription information.
Last month I was referred to a young fellow who wants to open his own business. He was pleasant, energetic, knew his stuff too; all good qualities to have, especially if you're self-employed.
We started out well enough. We talked about his long-range goals as well as his current circumstances, exploring how they might influence each other. When I learned that he had no real savings, I recommended that he begin putting away at least 10% of his income. Well, that's when things took a left turn. He became quite irritated and told me that there was absolutely no way he could do that; every penny he and his wife brought in was already allocated and they just couldn't afford to hold on to any of it. Everything he said thereafter just demonstrated all the more that he really NEEDED to have some savings cushion: his wife's position was not secure; the business she worked for may be folding, they had just had a baby. Despite my best efforts, he was not willing to consider putting his family's security on the front burner. Instead, he decided not to hire me as his coach, because he said, "I wasn't the 'right kind.'" Hmmmm.
I've seen businesses come and go and those who cannot handle the money at home typically take the same habits into their business and before they know it, they become a failure statistic. So, regardless of how you are employed (employee vs. self-employed), saving money is smart for some obvious and some not-so-obvious reasons:
I cannot tell you how many times people have looked at me, given me an impish grin and said, "I wish I could do that, but I barely make my bills as it is." The truth of the matter is that you will never miss $1.00 out of $10.00 or $10.00 out of $100.00. So my suggestion is no matter how much or how little money you make, do it!
Action ~Begin now by first opening an extra bank account. Take 10% from you next paycheck and put it in this account. Continue to do this with every paycheck you get. You are going to be so pleased this time next year when you see the reserve of money you have set aside. Talk about peace of mind!
Are you bored? Do you feel like you're in a rut? How's your energy and creativity levels? Do you crave a new attitude?
If you answered yes to the questions above, you may need a vacation. But what if that's not an option? Is there a way to get the benefits of a vacation without actually taking one?
Let's face it. Most of us feel like our work is never done. It seems like there is always something else that requires our attention and the lists of things we create “to do” are endless. It's easy to become overwhelmed by the sheer volume of tasks we face. Rather than do something immediate to change our outlook, many of us play a mental game in our heads and it goes something like this: “When I finish this project I'll feel better, ” or “I won't be tired anymore once I get a vacation, ” and my favorite, “I need to get a life”. So often we ache for that feeling that comes from taking a vacation from our daily routine. We all need well-deserved breaks to recharge the batteries, but we also need to find ways to keep our energy revved up when we're NOT on vacation. Simply marking time for that annual one or two weeks of vacation time to roll around is a really awful way to live.
So let's think about this for a moment. What is it about a vacation that feels good? Vacations are as different as night and day and yet there are some commons threads that run through all of them. I'm going to touch on a few of them here, and if you can think of others, please feel free to examine their significance on your own.
For starters, vacations are about choice. We are in charge of our time and how we choose to spend it. Another is that it frequently involves a change in scenery. We get to see and experience something different, both from a tactile and sensual perspective.
Another denominator is downsizing, especially if we go away. We take or use only that which we need. In short, vacation is freedom from the norm.
Stop for a minute and think about what you like to do on vacation. Now think about your life at this moment and consider some vacation-type activities (or mindset) you can add into the mix. We still have choices and options at our disposal even when we're not officially on vacation.
Comedian George Carlin talks about all the “stuff” we humans amass and I think all of us could enjoy our lives more if we had less stuff to deal with. I don't know about you but I spend way too much time sorting, placing, cleaning, arranging and generally deciding what to do with my stuff! But when I go on vacation, I pack lightly. I suddenly don't need all of the same stuff that I can't live without at home. So I've decided to encourage a “vacation frame of mind” by getting rid of things I am not currently using. Now I'm not going to throw away my summer clothes right now just because I'm only wearing my winter ones now, but you get my point.
One of the things I love to do is hike. The availability of hiking and other outdoor activities would be a main concern for me as I consider vacation locations. But does that mean that I can't hike in the interim? Look around your community. Look at it with the eyes of a visitor. Are there places and things you could be doing in your own neighborhood that would help foster your vacation spirit?
For example, I live in Las Vegas and about 30 minutes outside of town is Red Rock Canyon. It is without a doubt one of the most beautiful places in the desert. It's one of those places that tourists like to sightsee and explore. I went there this morning before work and hiked with my dogs and a friend of mine for two hours. It was super! I saw some different scenery. My senses were awakened and my appreciation for creation was enlivened. I feel happier because of the experience.
Recently, a coach friend of mine told me of his desire to write more but felt that there were too many distractions at home. So, he's rented a room in a local Bed & Breakfast for the weekend just to get his creative juices running. What a fabulous idea.
It's your life. You can get up and do the same thing every day or you can choose to change your routine and liven things up a little. Give yourself the permission to do something you would normally reserve for vacation. These are small things, but they promote a vacation mentality and make even the most mundane days of our lives more enjoyable.
Action ~be conscious of your surroundings, simplify, and change your routine in some way. Intentionally do something that you would do if you were on vacation, see if it puts you in a vacation frame of mind.
Remember that big conversation you had with yourself, in which you vowed to lose weight or find a new career or start exercising, etc? Do things always seem to get in the way of accomplishing even the simplest of goals like calling potential clients? If you find yourself in the intellectual zone and not the productive zone, I have some ideas for you to think about if you?re willing to break out of your personal ?comfort zone?.
What is it that separates productive people from those who for what ever reason are unable to be all that they would like to be? It is an irony to be sure, but our comfort zones can actually bring about a great deal of discomfort when they keep us from accomplishing things that are important to us.
In my coaching practice, I frequently ask specific questions that enable me to understand my client(s) thought processes. Discovering how people think allows me to determine the ?zone? they operate within. Take some time with me now to evaluate your thinking processes and see how they impede or encourage your overall productivity.
Productivity is fueled by self-talk. Self-talk is nothing more than thoughts, but thoughts have the power to motivate or cripple us. What we believe to be true about our environment and ourselves is derived from our core beliefs, which is the most accurate predictor of all for happiness, contentment and success.
In other words, it?s our core beliefs that make up our comfort zone. Comfort zones usually feel familiar and predictable and THAT is what makes them comfortable, NOT the experiences or outcomes associated with them. That is why it is possible to get stuck in a comfort zone even when it?s extremely uncomfortable or painful being there.
It has been said in many different ways that the brain can only truly focus on one thing at a time. If your focus is say, losing weight, but one of your core beliefs is that you are unattractive, your brain will go into overdrive processing all the competing messages and negative self-talk, which will cause you to become distracted from your focus and robbed of the energy you need to be successful. Allowing negative thoughts and emotions to rule our interior keeps us from being productive and happy.
If you?re wondering how to breakthrough situations like this, it is often helpful to just take a moment and really listen to what you are saying to yourself. Really hear it. Taking a non-judgmental position, ask yourself if the negative message(s) is really true or a faulty core belief that has no basis in reality. Next, ask yourself whether the old thought patterns of discouragement originated from someone in your past. If so, then put it in the proper perspective and decide on a replacement message that more accurately describes who you are. Encourage yourself to reinforce the new message over and over again when (notice I didn?t say if) you stumble. This topic is beautifully explored in Byron Katie?s book Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life.
Negative messages can paralyze us with indecision. But being able to make decisions is a huge part of being productive. There comes a point when it is time to stop collecting information and get into action. Let?s face it; we are all human and there are no perfect human beings. And the simple truth is that no matter what you do, someone is not going to like it! But making decisions that are sound and right for you are essential components to living a meaningful life.
If you find that you are dealing with a faulty core belief, you will recognize it for the old baggage it is by comparing the degree of your reaction to the severity of the incident. If your reaction is out of proportion to the situation, you can pretty much bank on it being old baggage. So get rid of the baggage if you are interested in changing your life. Those who have worked through their baggage are usually pro-active. Stephen Covey describes this as the ?Circle of Concern/Circle of Influence?. I highly recommend his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
So, if it is a new career you are interested in, take an action! Get your resume updated, check out the newspaper classified ads, or start networking with friends and colleagues. By listening to the ?signals? your intuition sends you and taking an action on its behalf, you will automatically feel stronger and more confident. That is what comes of being true to your self. It?s not listening to your truth that is depressing and destructive.
Also, take stock of the community of people you choose to be around. Do you spend your time with people who hate their jobs, who only work for the paycheck and sit around waiting for a better life to happen to them? Get out of there! Don?t allow yourself to be contaminated by that kind of energy. I have a group of peers who are all very interested in continuous improvement that I meet with once a week. Spending time together is a good way to reinforce our values. Guess what? These people tend to hang out with other like-minded people as well, because they know that the people you hang around with affects your overall productivity.
Finally, you may need to eliminate something in your current schedule to free up the time and effort you will need to do this work and accomplish your goals. Be honest with your self; make a list of the things you can do by yourself, acknowledge your limitations and then respect the boundaries between. Is there something you can delegate to someone else? If you think you are the only one that can do what you do properly, get real! Don?t make it harder on yourself than it has to be.
So, be true to yourself and seek to find out what you value and what you do not. This makes decision making much easier and quicker. The more quickly you can make decisions, the more productive you will be.
Action ~When you have a new project that you would like to incorporate into your life, be willing to be honest. Challenge your core beliefs and then give yourself permission to replace the old negative messages with new encouraging self-talk. Be realistic about how much time your goal will take and then carve out the necessary time on your calendar to accomplish what you want to do. Change is crucial. It will happen.
Have you ever found yourself working on several tasks at one time but not getting any one of them finished?
For example, you start out the day with a mental list of things you want to accomplish. You begin by sorting through that pile of papers that's needed attention. You find a couple of documents in there that remind you to create a file for your newest client. While reaching for the manila folders, you remember that you still need to send a thank you note to Sam for the referral. You pull out your stationery and hear a dog barking and remember that you still have to call the vet about getting a refill for your own pet's medication. When you reach for the phone, you see the list of people you need to call, which is what you told yourself last night would be the first thing you were going to do today. If this sounds familiar my friend, you have just "DRIFTED WITHOUT A PLAN."
Most of us have experienced episodes like the one I just described. You begin working on something and then find yourself going on to the next project without ever completing the first. For many of us, its possible to get so removed from the original task that we have to stop and just take a moment to remember what we were working on in the first place. This can be very frustrating when we find ourselves doing a little of this and a little of that but not getting any one particular thing accomplished.
Ah, such is the world of the creative person. Many business owners are very creative people, even visionaries. They see the world in pictures and vivid colors. Creative people typically dress with flair; their homes and offices are often decorated well with a distinct style. And creative people are the inventors of the world! They are the entrepreneurs, writers, designers - you get the idea. In short, they are you.
One of the disadvantages of being creative is having so many ideas and not enough time or wherewithal to accomplish them. Bored easily, creative people are the ones who come up with the fabulous idea but who have already moved on when the idea is ready to be implemented. So, one of the challenges creative types face is the ability to focus and hang in there even after something else captures their attention. They need a plan. So let's talk about what can be done to harness that creativity and make it a bit more productive.
One of the tips I've shared with clients in the past is to make an "idea file". Basically, this is a place to store all your ideas. You guessed it; this is also the place to retrieve your ideas. You jot down an idea that you don't want to forget, put it in a safe place and take it out when you're ready to work on it. So next time you come up with a million-dollar idea while you're having coffee with a friend, write down your idea on a napkin and bring it home to your idea file.
One of my clients took this idea a step further. Being very creative and artistic, she needed the file to be as attractive as her surroundings in order to use it. She decorated the outside of a box with pretty paper that matched the decor of her office and put a slot on the top. Now every time she gets an idea to improve her business, she writes her idea down and drops it into the box for safekeeping until she's ready for it.
Another suggestion is to "Mind-Map". Write down your idea on the center of a piece of paper and circle it. Then, put anything and everything that comes to mind about this idea down on the paper. Since the creative mind does not think linearly, being free to write down whatever you want wherever you want makes brainstorming more successful. If you are unable to begin working on the idea right away, place it in the idea box. Even if you forget all about your fabulous idea, you will "remember" it when you return to the box at a later date. Two great books on the subject of mind-mapping are Joyce Wycoff's Mindmapping: Your Personal Guide to Exploring Creativity and Problem-Solving and The Mind Map Book by Tony Buzan.
Another coach I know puts all her project ideas into a binder. The binder has generalized sections. Whenever she has an idea to add, she just pulls out the binder, matches up the idea to the appropriate section and files it until she's ready for it. When she's ready to take on a new project, her idea is organized and ready to go.
Focus is an important part of success. Part of being a successful creative person requires that we find ways to contain our talents without limiting them. These are just a few examples of how unruly creativity can be tamed and redirected. So PLAN for your ideas: capture them, choose your project, complete it and then begin again with another idea from your "Idea File". Sweet!
Action ~ Establish one location to keep all your ideas. Then and with great purpose, spend a minimum of 30 minutes setting it up so that it feels comfortable and user friendly to you. Even if part of your 30 minutes is only spent on devising a plan about how you're going to use your new system, the idea is to come away feeling a sense of ownership and commitment to your new arrangement.
As I sit here thinking of change, the song "Dancing in the Dark" by Bruce Springsteen comes to mind. In the song he sings the words “I ain't nothing but tired, man I'm just tired and bored with myself...I check myself out in the mirror, I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face...” Have you ever felt that way? I know I have!
I spent a lot of years turning to external sources to relieve that tired and bored feeling. If my life began to feel like it wasn't working, I would look around and find blame in everyone but myself. If my marriage was lacking I thought about what my husband needed to do to shore up our life together. Global problems? I could tell you exactly what was wrong with the world and precisely what needed to be done about it. And my children would become very demanding and difficult during these times, imitating me, I know now with their behavior. I had an opinion on just about everything. But despite my air of superiority, I was really unhappy and no amount of blaming or blocking took away my fatigue or boredom. That’s because as Bruce would say, "there's a joke in here somewhere and it's on me." What I mean is that the pain I went through taught me that I was the one who needed changing, and the changes didn't really have much to do with hairstyles or clothing.
In the April newsletter, I discussed how easy it is for people to fall into comfort zones and not follow through on their commitments to do such things as lose weight, quit smoking, be more patient with their children, etc. So many of us set goals for ourselves without first putting the infrastructure in place to support a successful outcome. When we fail to accomplish our goals we feel frustrated and defeated. For myself, that was accompanied by a profound lack of self-worth. Why, I wondered, was I unable to achieve these seemingly small changes?
What I learned is that CHANGE is an inside job that involves SELF-TRUST. The more we trust ourselves the greater our sense of security and confidence in our own abilities, valuable commodities during the process of change. Learning to trust your self can be both exhilarating and frightening and I recommend that you start small by making little promises to your self that you're pretty sure you can keep and then doing it. Over and over again. Let the little person inside of you know that you keep your word. Then you can be trusted.
As you begin feeling more trusting and confident in yourself, you will want to set the infrastructure for making meaningful change. Here are some suggestions:
Action ~Take responsibility for the things you want to accomplish. Stop criticizing yourself and focus on your strengths instead while ever keeping your goal in mind. Print out this e-letter and read it everyday for a month. If you're interested in purchasing any of Bruce Springsteen's music, check out Born in the U.S.A. And have fun; you are a precious creation of God!
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How come some people seem to live life so effortlessly? They smile often, walk with a bounce in their step, and seem to have endless energy. If you want to have more energy and passion for your life, the single most helpful thing you can do for yourself is to make your lifestyle a balanced one. Interested? Read on.
Remember : You are welcome to forward this e-letter as long as you send it in it's entirety.
What do I mean by a balanced lifestyle? Simply put, it means countering negatives with positives. For example, perhaps you put in a really tough week at work and built up a lot of tension. Over the weekend, you do some serious, heavy-duty gardening, a past time that you love. In doing so, you neutralize the stress of the past week by defusing it doing something you really enjoy. To stay in balance, we need to be on the lookout for toxicities that throw us off our game. Here are four things to watch out for:
TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS: Most people have had at least one toxic person in their life. You know the type; they're the ones who make hurtful, sarcastic and biting comments to you, think they have a right to tell you what to do and which decisions to make and treat you like you're an idiot if you disagree with them. Unfortunately, a family member is often the culprit. When you confront someone like this about their behavior, they try to turn it all back on you by saying you're overreacting and they were "only kidding". These are the types that are easy to spot.
What about the ones that aren't so obvious? Consider those who expect you to jump through hoops to perform arduous tasks and drop everything when they want something done without offering so much as a "thank you" in the end, never mind the proper recognition you deserve for all your efforts. There is no jump that you could ever make that would be high enough for someone like this. Then there are the butterfly people: always ready to escape in some way, avoiding responsibility and living life without conscious purpose. They flit about in a dreamy state of things rather than the reality of things. They will happily distract you from your own focus and drive.
In all the cases I have mentioned, the relationships are toxic. Toxic people are all about everyone else's business but their own. They are like parasites fueling themselves with your energy. Rather than looking inward for opportunities to improve their own lives, they attempt to control everything and everyone around them, thereby shifting the burden of personal responsibility.
SELF-CARE: Think you're off the hook? Maybe not. Do you degrade yourself when you make a mistake, or when you don’t immediately understand something? It's important to recognize that calling yourself names, berating yourself for not living up to someone else’s standards, and punishing yourself for simple mistakes is abuse. My old friend Herb Rogers used to call it "brain dancing". Just imagine that you witness two people in a heated conversation and one of them is screaming all kinds of hurtful things to the other person without allowing him to respond. Most likely, you would feel some empathy for the one taking the beating and think the other person a real jerk. So why should it be any different just because you happen to be the one giving yourself the beating?
DIET AND NUTRITION: Poor nutrition is one cause of organ and hormone imbalance, which then robs us of vital energy and brainpower. Processed food is often the culprit for extreme states of energy, high as well as low. You know the stuff I'm referring to here: sugary desserts, white bread, soft drinks, etc. In the end, they just dump high levels of insulin into our systems and deprive us of energy by depleting glycogen, protein and fat sources, all necessary components of metabolic stability.
Another way to drain your energy fast is by waiting too long to eat. Do you run out of the house in the morning with a bagel or pastry in hand, then subsist on coffee throughout the day until you "have time" to stuff down a late lunch? Without fuel, our bodies begin to feel logy and drained. When this happens the temptation to eat lots of carbohydrates and/or sugar is pretty significant because we respond to the brain's SOS signals with "instant" energy sources. But guess what? Immediately following the restoration of our energy is the inevitable sugar crash, which causes the cycle to start all over again.
STRESS HORMONES: The last thing I want to talk about today is adrenaline. Yes, the familiar "fight or flight" hormone that is released by the adrenal glands during times of stress or threat. You would be surprised how potent these hormones are and how little it takes to wreak major havoc on our bodies. Adrenaline, for example, is secreted in such minute amounts that the concentration necessary to produce a fight-or-flight reaction is equivalent to one drop in a railroad tank car! (See Resetting the Clock, by Elmer Cranton, M.D.) Adrenaline released into the body produces many physical changes including elevated blood pressure, increased pulse rate, changes in digestion, decreased reasoning and observation skills, and increased risk of heart attack, stroke and certain cancers. So, I believe that constantly infusing (and storing) adrenaline into the body without harmonizing it with a neutralizer is flirting with death.
Think about the things in your life that might be symptoms or causes of stress: do you work too much? Live in anger and fear? Get sick often? Regularly have a "crash and burn" day? Race against deadlines because you waited until the 11th hour to tackle major projects? If you slow down and really evaluate your life for any such patterns, I hope you consider the damage that comes from living this way. Eventually, your body will give out in some way and you will be forced to deal with the stress in your life: I suspect it won’t be very pretty under those circumstances.
So, it is very important to be clear about what we take into our space, how we treat our bodies, and what (or who) we listen to. I would like to suggest that you love yourself enough to choose wisely!
In addition, I recommend the following resources:
Healthy Food Lifestyle:
The South Beach Diet
By cardiologist Arthur Agatston, M.D.
Adrenaline and Urgency Addiction:
First Things First
By Stephen Covey
Physiology of Stress Hormones:
Resetting the Clock: Five Anti-Aging Hormones That Improve and Extend Life
By Elmer Cranton, M.D.
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